Delusory… twisting on the side of Illusion

Illusory… churning, upturning Delusion

and aways the same Excuse:

undeserving

unwanted and un-wantable 

by Desire itself

 

The definition of Madness

through relentless repetition in the womb of Denial 

is born

as the definition

of Learning 

 

Those growing pains

those fearful teachers

leeching and feasting on your unknowable parts

unthinkable

how they curl and curdle inside you

with broken glass in their little stomachs

 

Until understanding finally comes

through the cut, unleashed 

flesh of memory

and the reasons why

 

why - ever - for?? 

You

 

 F

 

          a 

 

                    l 

 

                              l  

 

Driven down to hollow ground

with truths cursed and stuck 

in 

the back of your throat

unheard of

and drowned in distortions… 

grotesque reflections of themselves

too unprepared for understanding 

still 

 

Half in half out 

always a stranger here

and everywhere, in 

every Time

                  - that’s Mine

 

unlike Tomorrow…  - that, is not.

 

Split down the middle 

[ do you know what it’s like? ] 

and again down the middle  of the two split halves

and again in perpetual… Division.

 

Ruthless with lightning

[ do you know how it is ]

understanding deep pain from the belly of Life-Death 

in a continuum

viciously giving birth to itself

within you

feeling all of it and coming apart with it

tearing and breaking 

in collapsing unfolding

 

For who can hold… so many inside?

 

Bulging and gaping seams 

strain

to hold skin-pieces together 

with a myriad creatures clawing their way out 

and gnawing

the damnable skin-scroll of Sin 

and Story

telling of secret pains and 

secret pleasures under their breath 

and between clenched teeth

colouring dreams with yearning and loss

yearning and loss

doubt and remorse

 

Discard these things 

and break these Cycles’ shackles 

They bring none other than

more of their own

 

Un-want the Wanting

Un-want the Wanted

 

In the Empty room, the waiting room

the torture-room you used 

to live in

 

And   s

             i

                n 

                   k 

                         .   .    . 

 

No More. 

 

The Lesson of the Void is Freedom.

        

B r e a t h e    i  t. 

© Alice Karveli 2019

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