Crawling again under the wrong skin

wrong texture wrong smell

again and again

what am i doing here

what was i hoping for?

what did i come for? 

 

                 - more than this - 

 

destruction

self destruction… through another

and by another’s hand

to be absolved of responsibility… or so i thought

but None shall be spared from Truth

Least of all me

 

Humbled and crawling 

back 

to what I should have somehow known before 

and always.

 

We come here to forget 

who we are

just so that we learn 

to remember 

to go deep,  deep diving to the depths…. 

 

No guides no safety

No Gods no Laws

No Love no Freedom

…till we find it groping blind in the Abyss

 

     - bleeding eyes, broken hands and flaking skin - 

 

and crawling 

 

clawing tooth and nail if need be

bring it back 

bigger stronger and brighter than ever

and then laugh 

insanely

inanely 

               -  abandoned… - 

 

at the cosmic joke:

we are so stupid and wise at the same time.

 

Tiny infinite Universes floating within tiny infinite Multiverses

spiralling, exploding, coliding, imploding, 

surviving somehow

and sometimes 

sometimes…

even thriving.

 

If we dream it so. 

© Alice Karveli 2019

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